I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
