You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
