Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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