Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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