Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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