I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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