just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its liver damage thursday
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
