he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
