When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
