if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
