I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
