Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
