what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
