So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
