I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
