he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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