Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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