Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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