I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
