and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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