He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
this is an emotional support booty call
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
