We named our party play list daddy issues
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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