HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
