Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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