Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
