Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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