so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize