I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize