I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
