How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
