I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
