saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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