the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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