I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
