We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
