I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
