it hurts more in the daytime
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize