My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
