Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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