Your face is a jimmy john
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
