I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
