Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
