The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
