I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
