This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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