is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
