I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
