Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
