I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
