so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
