sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
