your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
