The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
