yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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