Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
