i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
