Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
