Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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