SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
