It was confusing and full of hummus
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
