there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
