I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
