well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
