It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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