How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
