grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
