she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is my gift to your gina
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
