I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize