he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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