fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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