It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
they're like a gay fantastic four
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
