Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
