is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
