Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
