Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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