dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
