make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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