At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Less talking, more tequila
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize
