I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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