I'm eating all of the evidence.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
