I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
