he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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