I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize