Cold hands, warm shart.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My dick has a subreddit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
