Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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