with your own penis?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
