i wish there were pregnant emoticons
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
