Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize