someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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