She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
