those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
