you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize