you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
