we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
