the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
