The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
