I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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