My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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