hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
