btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
