my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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