I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
